Eddy’s coming to visit. Betty (and I) have to make some effort to re-arrange our house so as to (1) make it more safe for a wandering curious 1-year-old (2) make OUR STUFF less likely to break (3) … I’m sure there’s a third concern but we’re focused on #s 1 & 2.

We decided that a “stairgate” is probably warranted. You know, a device which fits in the space at the top of the stairs, fitting tightly and snugly against the walls so as to prevent baby from tumbling down (along with jack and/or jill, broken crowns and all).


But I couldn’t get the idea of a StarGate out of my head.

There’s a movie (“Click”) wherein Adam Sandler plays a married man who goes to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy I-don’t-know-what and ends up at the back of the store, going into the section called BEYOND. Christopher Walken plays the part of the employee back there, and Adam buys a sort of television remote which can SPEED UP (or slow down) TIME, among other things. And … if you can purchase a time-travel/twisting remote at “Beyond,” so I reasoned, it isn’t a stretch that they’d have a STARGATE.

So, I’m considering going into the BEYOND section of the store and purchasing one. You know, a StarGate. Which I can put at the top of the stairs. Yes, there could be problems. Like, if Eddy goes through, where and when and why and how will he end up? Will he be okay? I assume so. I think he’d end up in a place where not only does he have bowell- and bladder-control, heck, he would have CONTROL over any- and everything he encounters. He’d be able to WILL what- and whoever there to do whatever he wants. He’ll master the beasts. Breasts, magnificent breasts of heaven, will appear whenever he so desires, with sustenance of divine (and sometimes playfully diabolic) attributes and taste.

Well, stay toond. At least we’ll buy the stairgate. But the idea of the StarGate got me thinkin’. The doggzenkatz would probably go into it, too. And if not they, something(s) else might come back.

Liven up a dull day, eh?

5 thoughts on “STAIRGATE, or STARGATE?

  1. Do you know the Dr. Spock Bookshelf Trick? You stuff so many books onto each shelf that it takes some decent muscle to pull one out. I learned that one after my daughter ripped several pages out of an autographed Clive Barker.


    • autograft! sheesh!
      yeah, we been dere — stupht bookshelveez. ‘betty’ is in two book clubs so they (the books, and mesupposes, media-storage space in her Nook) pile up.
      will you see Mr. Barker again soon?


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