“B” ‘n me ‘ve been quite sick these passed several daze. A couple times I entertained the possibility that I/we had ebola. We’d be in the news! (In)Famous! The symptoms included nose bleeds due to excessive coughing, but not the characteristic high sweaty fevers of ebola, so unlucky us, we’ll continue to suffer without a media circus …
So I thought about yet another project I will probably never do: WRITE MY OBITUARY! Glancing through those in today’s Denver Post I couldn’t help but notice the patterns. The same “tried but true” concepts.
“So and so died yesterday surrounded by loving family. He went to join Jesus. He left behind a legacy of kindness, an upstanding example and mentor to many …”
And so the inevitable started, not exactly pouring, but trickling in.
“Mr. Betunada’s life-force departed from his body yesterday. It can only be conjectured that whatever constituted his spirit, the essence of what made him a seemingly unique individual, has transitioned to a realm or dimension perhaps adjacent to that most of us regard as every-day reality, perhaps not so adjacent.”
Pick one or more from the following :
a) He was surrounded at the moment of demise by adoring family members.
a2) Not being enough family members, (some of whom were probably not exactly “adoring”) he was not surrounded but partially encircled by …
a3) Betty was there, out of necessity and as per the expectations of society. She wished that she could have been at the pool or at the book-club meeting or out in the desert on her bike or at lunch with friends. Rosco was usually unpleasant to be around, all the more so as he died slowly, without courage, body fluids being expectorated and flung about the room, truly awful. Still, she dutifully was present and hopes that the insurance checks come in soon. (Note: Betty did read this one entry, and was quick to note that I didn’t also include getting her started on my monthly pension checks!)
a4) He expired, alone and anonymously of at-present unknown causes.
a5) of a heart attack in a hockey game where he was goalie! Go Fire-fighters! Contributions are encouraged and can be sent to Firefighters Local 8309 at P.O. Box …
b) To list and chronicle Mr. Betunada’s accomplishments in life is easy. If Rosco were to be believed, he actually accomplished … what, exactly? Towards the end, he was concurrently studying the Tao Te Ching and reading about the search for gravity waves in the immediate aftermath of the Big Bang. Somehow, delusional as he must have been, he felt a connection between these two lines of discourse. It is obvious he understood neither.
b2) If anything, Rosco’s life should serve as a warning to others. Even he said that he was “a good bad example. When you come to a fork in the road, besides taking the fork, think what would Rosco do. Then don’t”.
b3) Mr. Betunada was below average in everything he attempted. He aspired to elevate his capabilities at work, hobbies, education, social interaction, driving his car, etc. to MEDIOCRITY — which at times seemed to a daunting almost impossible step up for him. He never achieved that goal.
He did see the boobaroo-saurus crossing the highway once. Or thought he did.
b4) Mr. Betunada was about to embark on yet another seemingly-futile quest shortly before his expiration — truly in the spirit of Don Quixote! There was a crumpled-up note in a pocket of the jacket he was found dead in. Crudely block-printed, and signed by both himself and his son-in-law, George Benjamin, it read “There is something which we cannot find on the internet. WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS, AND GO AFTER IT.” We can only surmise they would not have used Google to find this. Ostensibly having found “the most incredible object in the universe” (Time Bandits, any one?), they would endeavor to continue to keep it off the internet. Good luck with that …
c) Mr. Betunada never told anyone, but he hoped to encounter his mentor and guru, Rama Irving Bulbous, in whatever realm he segued into next. Nothing much is known of the alleged sage and mystic, and it is doubtful anything more will be revealed …